How can I make my relationships better in 2025?

It’s that time of year when many of us reflect on the past year and make some choices about what we want to do next year to make things better. This article will take you through a process of reflecting on 2024 and deciding what you can do to improve your relationships in 2025.

You may know already that in the weeks following the Christmas break, there is an increase in the breakdown of relationships. This has to be in part due to the pressure on couples of spending so much time together if things are not going so well between them. But it doesn’t have to be so. Reflecting on how things have been in the past year gives you a chance to make some changes which will enable you not only to avoid a break-up, but to create something much better in the new year.

Reflecting on how your relationships have been during 2024

When you look back at the last 12 months what can you say about the state of your primary relationships? I mean with your partner, your children, and others who are important to you. When we look deep into our experience of ourselves and others, we often learn more about ourselves than we expected. And with this information we can create something new for the next year. You can make your relationship better, more beautiful and fulfilling than it is now.

So what comes to mind as you answer these questions?

1. What were the challenges in your close relationships?

2. What happened that was special or surprising?

3. What did you find easy?

4. What are you grateful for?

5. What patterns do you notice repeating through the year?

6. What’s the most important thing you learned about your relationships this year?

7. If you could relive the year, what would you do differently?

Take some time to journal about these questions. Some of them may yield just a few words and for some you may write a paragraph or more. There are no right or wrong answers. The only thing to be aware of is that it’s important that you are honest with yourself.

Being honest means taking responsibility for the things you know can change in yourself, rather than blaming others. And it means not throwing a guilt-chuck at yourself.

Action follows reflection

Once you’ve reflected on the state of your relationships and what your role has been, it’s time to think about what you want to do differently next year. You already started this with question 7. Now I want you to get really into the nuts and bolts of things. What were your biggest challenges? What did you find hard?

For instance:

• Do you find it difficult to listen with full attention on what the other person is saying?

• Maybe you noticed that you always have to insist that your point of view is the right one.

• Or are you prone to letting out all of your emotions, without holding anything back?

If you want better relationships next year, now is time to change these habits. The chances are that you’re about to spend a week or two with your family, so you’re going to have a lot of opportunities to practise some new skills.

I’m going to talk you through three skills which will really help to up-level your relationships with your partner, your children, your parents – everyone who you come into contact with!

1. Listening

Most of us, when we listen, are thinking about what we’re going to say next. Sometimes it’s because we want to share something we’ve experienced which is similar to what the other person is talking about. Sometimes we’re thinking about what we can add to what they’re saying. Sometimes we’re thinking about our rebuttal, because we ‘know’ we’re right and they’re wrong. And sometimes it’s because we’re thinking about something else altogether like ‘what shall I cook for dinner?’ or ‘who did I lend that screwdriver to?’

None of these constitutes listening. If you’re thinking about something else (even if you agree with what the other person is saying), you’re not really listening. Listening involves attending not just to the words they are saying, but to their expression, their gestures, their body language. You can’t take all of that in when you’re thinking about something else.

So next time someone is speaking to you, make a conscious decision to turn off your internal chatter and really, really pay attention to them. Then you’ll know if there’s something you’ve not understood or if there’s a point you’re not clear about and you can ask. If you want to go the whole hog, you can check in at the end by telling them what you think they said and asking if you’ve got it right.

2. Consider that you might be mistaken

This is a nice way of saying ‘consider that you might be wrong.’ Needing to be right all the time is one of the biggest pitfalls in relationships. Of course if you believe something to be true, you’re bound to think you’re right. And if your partner or your child disagree with you, you’re bound to think they’re wrong.

Unfortunately when both parties insist that they’re right and the other is wrong, the relationship suffers. Being relational involves not insisting that you’re right, no matter how convinced you are of your own position. You can be the one to back down and earn some brownie points.

There are two approaches to this conundrum:

1. Consider that you might be mistaken and tell them that you’re willing to change your mind.

2. Recognise that you have two different realities and there’s no way to prove that either one of them is correct, so you’re happy to agree to disagree.

The main thing in this is the recognition that the relationship is more important than getting other people to accept that you know the truth.

3. Contain your emotions

Emotions can run high when everyone is packed in together over the Christmas holidays. Particularly when it’s cold and wet outside.

You may already know that relationship breakdowns peak about seven days into the new year. The accepted explanation is that the couple spent a week or more together, kept falling out and then realised that it hadn’t gotten any better when they went back to work in the new year. So their relationship must be beyond help.

There are all sorts of reasons why couples fall out. But high on the list is what we call ‘unbridled self-expression.’ That simply means expressing your thoughts and feelings, without considering the impact on your partner. It most often leads to conflict and disconnection.

Some of us may be unbridled in our expression of anger, hurling accusations and insults, name-calling and humiliating our partners. For others it is the expression of hurt and misery, with the expectation that our partner will come forward to soothe and protect us. Unfortunately this may prompt your partner to back away if they feel unable to cope with the powerful emotions you are expressing.

Either way, if you engage in unbridled self-expression, it’s an indication that you’re unable to regulate your own emotions and you’re not showing empathy towards your partner.

This is maybe the hardest thing to learn, but it’s not impossible! If you’re a beginner you’ll find these tips helpful:

1. Use the ABC method to check yourself when you feel the rush to shout or scream: A – awareness of what you were about to say or do, B – breathe to create a pause, C – choose consciously to say or do something different (something more gentle).

2. Practise grounding yourself, by focusing your attention on your breath, your feet on the floor and what you can see and hear right now. If you do this as a practice once or twice a day, you can use it when you need to ground yourself in moments when emotions are running high.

3. Try some self-compassion. There are some simple self-compassion practices such as:

• Regular self-care – taking time to nourish yourself

• A simple mindfulness meditation such as a body scan or mindfulness of breath

• Compassion meditation, such as Loving Kindness Meditation

• Self-soothing – when you feel triggered, speak kindly & gently to reassure yourself that you are ok

• Gratitude journaling

As you get better at regulating and containing your emotions, all your relationships will benefit. When you are calmer, there is a ripple effect in which the calmness spreads out to others, helping them self-regulate as well.

And so you set all of you up for happier, more loving relationships in 2025!

2025 could be the year that all your relationships grow and deepen. To get some help and guidance with that, book a complimentary call with me. I’d love to be by your side for the journey!