These words were spoken by yoga teacher, Adriene Mishler during a session she called Curate (as in museums not churches). And it was about curating the experience of yoga on the mat. But it applies equally to our mental and emotional experience.
It is important to remember that all of our experience is created actively in and by our own minds. No person, animal, thing or circumstance can make us feel, believe, think, say or do anything. It often seems that way. For instance it might seem as if we feel happy because something we really wanted actually happened (like it snowed and we could go tobogganing - yippee!); or it didn't happen (like England winning the World Cup) and that made us feel sad or angry. But it doesn't and it can't. It's our thinking and beliefs about snow or England not winning the World Cup which lead us to feel happy or angry or sad.
If I am the sole arbiter and creator of my own experience, which includes happiness, and also sadness, anger, fear and guilt, then I am also the curator of my experience. And I get to choose how these experiences appear in the art gallery of my mind each day. What about you? Is this something you would like to get better at?
Syd Banks said "Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships, but in their ability to understand them when they occur."
We all know people, though, who seem to have a hard time creating happiness in their lives. I’ve known people who suffered child abuse and I can see how hard it is for them to create happiness – but not impossible. We know that child abuse and the resulting complex PTSD manifests in neurological changes. But we also know that the brain is endlessly plastic and healing is possible, sometimes at lightning speed. And it certainly doesn’t help when we attribute our current pain to past events, without seeing that our present-moment experience is a direct result of what is happening in our minds in this moment.
As Syd Banks said, life is like a contact sport. We cheer when our team wins, and maybe we feel disappointed when they lose. But we are also players, not just spectators. And as I have learned from my footballing friends, when you injure yourself on the pitch, you can't wait to get healed and back out there again.
Surely life is like this too? Healing is the first part, and getting stuck into life is the reason and motivation. And while there are frustrations and knock-backs and sometimes appalling injuries, we all have innate health which allows us to heal and find our way back to enjoyment, fulfilment and happiness.
A good friend talks about happiness as being a skill-set. At first I found this a bit counter-intuitive, but I’ve come to see that he has something. Because I’ve realised that I can turn my feelings around. Sometimes I know that I will benefit from exploring uncomfortable feelings, no matter how painful that might be. I would even go so far as to suggest that exploring those difficult feelings is essential to happiness, in that it allows us to let go of them and move on.
Sometimes it simply isn’t convenient to explore uncomfortable feelings – after all who wants to sit sobbing on the train all the way from London to Sheffield? In such situations we might prefer to shelve those feelings, but it’s important to come back to them later on and process them, rather than burying them. This is all part of curating our emotional experience.
Whereas in the past I felt like I was at the mercy of my feelings, now I have a skill-set to bring to bear, and I can choose how to respond. And if I choose to, I can dig deep into my inner self and find that happiness which is always there, ready to come out like the sun, when the clouds part – whether that be for a few moments, or for a glorious week of Indian summer!
If you would like to explore how to get readier access your happiness, book a breakthrough call, and I will give you my undivided attention for a full hour!
