I struggle with last word-itis.
Does anyone else struggle with this dis-ease, or is it just me?
I suspect that I’ve had it more or less all my life. Not only do I have to be right about everything, but I also have to have the last word!
It was only recently that I got the diagnosis.
Luckily it came with love. “I love you, Sorrel, but you do have to have the last word on everything, don’t you?”
And to be honest I hadn’t realised it until my long-suffering partner pointed it out to me. And then I noticed that he was right.
I can’t help wondering why. After all only one person can have the last word in an exchange and if there are two or more people in the conversation, that means that at least one person can’t have it.
(I must confess it reminds me of football - only one team can win a match, which means that in 50% of matches that don't end in a draw, there is a loser. Perhaps I could be more sympathetic with the football supporters who get so upset when their side loses... But I digress!)
So it’s not fair if I always have the last word, is it?
As I started to take notice of what was happening in conversations with my partner, I realised that he was right: I was trying to have the last word most of the time.
So I tried stopping myself. And it was hard. It was so hard to shut up and let him have the last word!
And then I asked myself “why?”
Every diagnosis should include at least an attempt at identifying the underlying cause of the problem.
So here are some thoughts:
Having the last word proves that I’m right – as if!!!
It's because I want to keep adding more to the conversation – I think that was me being way too nice to myself.
It gives me a sense of closure. That felt more like it.
But I suspect the real reason has something to do with feelings of insecurity.
My partner is very forgiving, and perhaps that made it easier for me to change. I notice I can substitute “That’s so true!” or “Hmm that’s interesting” in place of “but what about…?” and “and don’t you think it’s true that…?”
What about you? When you pay attention to your part in a conversation with your partner (or child or parent..), do you notice an overwhelming urge to have the last word, and prove that you are right and by implication they’re are either wrong, or at least not as right as you are?
This is the kind of behaviour pattern that can cause a relationship to founder. If you think that it might be getting in the way of the love and closeness you truly desire, then get in touch – I’d love to help you find a way forward on this one.
Book a free Relationship Renewal Breakthrough Call and you'll get an hour of my time devoted to helping you find a solution to Last Word-Itis.