Might you be a certifiable workaholic?
Hopefully you're not a workaholic, but if you do work really long hours, read on!
Sometimes work can seem like a welcome escape from home.
Or it may just be that we work such long hours because of the perfectionist imp perched on a shoulder telling us that it’s not finished yet, or it’s not good enough yet.
No-one is born a workaholic; it’s a pattern we learn, or create to keep us safe.
What's important is to understand what drives that urge to work really long hours. Is it because you're really engrossed in what you're doing? Is it because you're afraid of turning out sub-standard work? Or is it a form of escape.
I remember a story about a brilliant mathematician. He was a professor at a very respected university and he worked long hours during the week. But at his wife's insistence the weekends were work-free. And every weekend he had a migraine which confined him to bed most of Saturday and Sunday.
On Monday he was fine again and he could return to his calculations.
The doctors could find no cause for the migraines, and besides they only plagued him on weekends. There is no way of knowing the truth. It may be that work and migraines represented an escape from his family. Or it may be that the migraines were a direct result of long hours at his desk.
The point is that for this man there was a driver (love of maths or a wish to escape), and there was a cost to his working hours.
I would say I have a tendency to workaholism in certain situations, such as when I’m really excited about a project, but also when I’ve wanted an escape from something uncomfortable. I would like to say that it is just a behaviour pattern that I can pick up and put down. But that wouldn't be entirely honest!
What's the problem with working long hours?
The trouble with indulging in workaholism is that it has a cost. It can be damaging to our relationships and to our health. I have worked with 100s of people with chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) and long covid and many of them had got ill after a period of working excessively long hours.
Work can be a 'misery stabiliser' - a place we go when we're feeling down, but not something we are unable to stop doing.
Or it can be an addiction - a way of avoiding thoughts or situations which we find painful or challenging. In other words a form of escape much like alcohol, food and gambling. That's when we call it workaholism.
But unlike drugs and alcholism, work is acceptable and it can feel really compelling (just like any other addiction).
So it really helps to have some steps you can take to curb your enthusiasm for work.
Make a judgement: do my long working hours amount to an addiction, is it a misery stabiliser, or is it just something I love and no more than that. If you think you are looking at an addiction, you'll probably want to get professional support, just as you would if you were an alcoholic.
If you're confident that you are not addicted to work, there are some long-term questions and some short-term questions.
In the short-term: Really get to grips with your priorities by asking yourself questions like “is this really more important than my partner or my children?" "Am I willing to let this damage my health?” and “Does this really have to be done today or can it wait until tomorrow?”
Remember what happened the last time you worked this late, and the time before that, and the time before that. Are you ok with a repeating pattern of illness or arguments with your partner?
Challenge yourself: will anyone die or will the roof fall in if I stop work a couple of hours earlier? For most of us work is not a life-or-death situation.
For the longer-term: If you think work has become a misery stabiliser, begin to explore what it is you are escaping from. What is that is it you find so frightening? For instance is it feelings of pain, sadness or anger?
If you are finding it difficult to say "No" to your boss, then you may want to do some work around boundaries. Often saying "No" turns out to be less dangerous than we had imagined. But we can't see that while our self-esteem is so low and we lack confidence.
If after answering these questions, you have realised that work has become an escape from a difficult situation at home, part of the solution will be to work on your relationship. All the things you find difficult in a work setting will be easier if your relationship is solid.
To help you with your boundaries, you can download the Boundaries Workbook. It will take you through a process which will help you to get clear on why your boundaries are not working for you and what will help you to establish firmer, more flexible boundaries.
And as ever, if you want to talk this through with me, let me know – you can book a Clarity Call.