I was on my customary lunchtime walk today, watching the autumn leaves blow down from the trees, with the occasional helicoptering seed wings amongst them.
It reminded me of a book we had when my girls were small, all about a girl who catches a falling leaf which turns out to have magical properties. The story follows her as she goes first to Mum, then to Dad, then her brothers and sisters, trying to get them to listen as she tells them about the magic that the leaf has brought into her day (things like turning mud pies into delicious cakes, and old curtains into velvet robes).
But they are all too busy with their own affairs to listen, and besides none of them is able to believe in what she tells them – after all she is the youngest child and therefore the least credible. And they all know that magic is not a thing.
But in the end, she finds her grandma, who is sitting by the fire knitting. Gran listens to the girl’s tale and then responds, “I had one of those once, dear.” Gran has time to listen and is open-hearted enough to consider that our heroine has something of value to tell her. And of course, most importantly perhaps, she already has experience of a magic golden leaf.
I came across a magic golden leaf back in 2017. It didn’t turn mud-pies into cakes or old curtains into velvet robes, but it totally transformed my life. What I’m talking about is the philosophy or model of the mind known as the 3 Principles.
It really is very simple: there are only two things I know to be true, and I can count on them.
That all our experience – thoughts, perceptions, feelings – are created from inside of us; they are never a direct result of anything outside.
That we are all part of something bigger – the divine, universal consciousness, the implicate order, call it what you will. As the late Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh said, “enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean.”
I know many people who have also got a magic leaf of their own. And it’s always good to talk about the Principles with them. But of course it’s also good to share this understanding with people who have never come across it and are maybe a bit sceptical about it!
So here’s the rub. People don’t like to be told that their impression that their feelings are caused by stuff outside of them is a false impression. Of course they don’t! This is a truth many of us hold dear. It allows us to blame someone else when we feel crap.
And it’s no good me saying “but don’t you realise? You create your feelings of anger / guilt / despair from the inside-out.” All that does is alienate people.
So I am happy to talk about my own experience. This particular magic golden leaf has given me leverage to change so much of my own experience:
I stopped seeing myself as a victim of my circumstances and got into the driver’s seat of my life
I began to view the trauma of my adolescence as the source of many of my strengths
I realised that the anxiety I so often experience is not only a response to things going on ‘out there’ but also a neurological pattern which I created in the past and which I can at least modulate if not eradicate
I have understood that I have innate healing power and innate well-being, and I have learned to trust it when I am either unwell or having a bad day with my mental health
I am able to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship because I’ve understood that the only person I can change is myself, and that even if there are things I’m not so keen on in my partner, those things are never the cause of my unhappiness or irritation.
If I notice that I am feeling unhappy about something, I stop to ask myself why it seems to important to me
If I get irritated by anyone, I first ask myself “am I in an irritable mood?” The answer is usually yes, which explains why I am finding people irritating!
This is a pretty random list, but the summary is that the Principles have transformed my mental & physical health, my relationships, and my work-life balance.
If you’d like to find out more about how the Principles could form the basis for your peace and happiness download the e-book. There are 10 chapters and each one ends with a question for reflection, which will help you to move your own life forward.