A workshop for ex-boarders and their partners
The fortress you built to keep you safe at school is now keeping you from the life you want
At boarding school, you built a moated castle in order to survive. You learned to be stoic, self-reliant, and untouchable. It worked then, but now, those same walls are keeping out the intimacy and connection you crave. It's lonely and exhausting.
Join us on March 26th for a transformative workshop designed to help you understand your "Strategic Survival Personality," gently lower the drawbridge and finally see what lies Beyond the Moat.
Free Online Workshop March 26th at 6pm GMT
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Beyond the Moat: Finding Safety Outside the Fortress
Online workshop for ex-boarders and their partners
This is for you if you're an ex-boarder and you find relationships a struggle:
Are you constantly on the lookout for things that might go wrong?
Do you feel like you have to have all the answers?
Do you struggle to express your feelings?
Are you afraid of seeming self-indulgent?
Does your partner feel like they’re shouting across a chasm, never quite sure if they’ve been heard?
The Survival Personality
Life at school was tough. You never felt entirely safe, so you had to protect yourself. You built a 'survival personality' to keep you safe.
It's like you raised walls around you to keep you safe. Like a fortress, a moated castle. It kept the outside world out and protected you from pain and humiliation.
We call the part of you that built those walls the 'Tiny Architect.' Building that fortress was the wisest most intelligent thing the Tiny Architect could have done. It worked then, but now...
The Current Cost
In your relationships today, that moated castle has become a place of isolation. It’s hard for your partner to cross the moat, and even harder for you to get out.
You’ve hidden your feelings in the castle keep for so long that opening the door feels dangerous. But remember: this fortress was designed by your Tiny Architect - in order to survive. They did a brilliant job, but you are no longer that child.
You don't have to leave the castle forever. You can lower the bridge to let love in, knowing you can retreat to the safety of your walls whenever you need to.
My Invitation to You
In the workshop we won't be tearing the castle down. We'll discover what the Tiny Architect designed into it - arrowslits, but maybe also doors, windows, a drawbridge.
This isn't about "fixing" you; it’s about navigating the architecture of your inner world and of your relationship together.
You’re just lowering the drawbridge. The safety of those walls remains there for you to retreat to when you need it. Opening the gate is the first step toward emotional expression and connection.
Beyond the Moat
Free Online Workshop March 26th at 6pm GMT
Start your journey beyond the moat. Enter your name and email to secure your spot.
What people are saying...
Meg Roundell Greene
"I got so much value from that webinar you hosted - it's so interesting to dive into this! it gave me a very clear idea of what I was doing and why - and how to change it to have fewer disagreements (or at least have the disagreement but manage it in an emotionally mature and responsible way instead of reverting to old habits!)"
B.L.
"I have just finished Sorrel’s six week course for the partners of ex-boarders. For years I have struggled alone, with the impact that early boarding has had on my partner of 40 years. Sorrel’s warmth and wisdom and insight was truly like balm to my soul. I felt validated, appreciated and understood.
"I am so grateful to Sorrel for recognising the need to share information and understanding about the devastating impact on so many children sent to boarding school. For it is only when this impact is acknowledged, that the necessary work can begin to repair the relational wounds that were sustained in these institutions and continue to wreak havoc in adult relationships."
Matthew
"I came to see Sorrel following some anger issues I was having after a bereavement, and the work that Sorrel has done with me has been transformative, to say the least. I feel much calmer in a considerably better place and certainly less angry than I ever did prior to the work that I started with Sorrel. Sorrel has an ability to hold a space, a reflective space for you, asking just the right amount of questions that encourage reflectivity and the opportunity to adjust your feelings or behavior accordingly."
Frequently asked questions
Is this workshop suitable for men and women?
Both men and women can experience problems related to their time at boarding school. So yes, it's open to everyone.
Why are partners included?
I'm inviting partners to the workshop because boarding school patterns often show up most strongly in adult relationships. Understanding the patterns and pressures that come from boarding school can help create more empathy, closeness, and communication. Adult children are also welcome.
Is the workshop suitable for me if I am not currently in a relationship?
If you are currently single, and you have found it difficult to create lasting relationships in the past, it certainly is. Especially if you want to start a new relationship in the future!
Do I need to do any preparation beforehand?
You don't have to do any preparation before the workshop. However you may find it helpful to write down in advance any questions you have so that you don't forget them!
Will there be a recording if I can't come on the day?
There will be a recording which I plan to make available within 24 hours.
About Sorrel Pindar
I am a trauma-informed relationship coach, working with people who feel stuck in their relationships - especially those who spent part of their childhood in boarding school. Drawing on my own experience of seven years at boarding school, I offer both couples coaching and individual coaching for survivors and their partners.
My coaching journey began in 2017 when I became an NLP Master Practitioner. Since then, I've trained with Jamie Smart to become a Certified Advanced CLARITY® Coach & Facilitator, and as a women’s coach with One of Many™. In 2025, I qualified as a Relational Life Coach through the Relational Life Institute, giving me new tools to work with couples.
Before starting my coaching journey, I spent 20 years as an osteopath, retiring in 2022 to focus on helping people heal emotionally and in their relationships. I hold a BSc and MPhil in Psychology, and I believe we all have a spiritual “true self” - the inner source of wisdom, creativity and well-being that enables us all to heal from the inside out.