It's very easy to lose perspective when we are caught up in a car-crash of a relationship. And it's all too easy to step into Victim mode and blame the other party. Sometimes the 'other party' is your spouse or partner, or it might be your in-laws.
You may be wishing your partner would change, but there is only one person you can change and that's yourself.
There are a few keys to better relationships, including compassion for the other person, the ability to love yourself and an understanding of what you are doing or not doing which is getting in the way. Coming to these understandings can take courage and a willingness to face up to things we don't like in ourselves. But it will be worth it, whether you stay or go. Because in the end, love and understanding in our relationships is the foundation for everything we want in life.
Do you constantly ask yourself "how do I break out of the cycle of arguing in my relationship?" Here's something to help you with that.
When we get stressed, it's all too easy to drop into communication patterns which do not serve us, our partner or the relationship.
These dysfunctional patterns of communication are known as the Five Losing Strategies. Take my quiz to identify which ones you tend to use. Then you can start to change how you communicate.
For couples and individuals: 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching
You find yourself stuck, your relationship has been steadily deteriorating and you don’t know whether to stay or go. There's no joy or fun any more and very little intimacy.
You just want to be loved, held and supported emotionally. But all you get are fights and put-downs. You wonder if you're part of the problem. Maybe you’re doing something wrong, but you don’t know what. And it seems like your partner can't or won’t change.
So you go round in circles, with the endless fights, the anger, the anxiety, the depression and the inability to move forward. But you’re sure there has to be more.
I’ve been there myself and I know that we can all move from feeling like a victim to a place where we can take charge, where we have agency. To be in charge of the steering wheel instead of sitting in the back seat wishing the driver would take you where you want to go.
There is a safe space inside you from which you can transform yourself and your relationship. Change your behaviour and your partner will change too.
This is what I can give you - help to find that safe space where you can find calm and clarity, and figure out how to get unstuck. And I can support you in changing the dynamics within your relationship, whether you work with me 1 to 1 or you bring your partner with you for couples work.
Book a free Relationship Dynamics Clarity Call and find out what's possible for you.
Take your relationship from conflict to connection
This is my programme for couples. We work together for three months or more. We dig deep into the behaviour patterns you bring to your relationship so that you can change the dance between you and your partner. Click the button below to find out more.
"I wanted to say a big thank you for our session on Tuesday. It was truly amazing and gave me so much clarity on how to handle things with my partner, when we are both tired and stressed. Your insights were invaluable, and I feel like I have a much better understanding now."
"We approached Sorrel as we as a couple had reached a very challenging time in our relationship, we were apart, we had had a huge argument and the route back to the loving relationship seemed insurmountable, we were also struggling with decisions over children. Sorrel's sessions provided us with the breathing space to witness our relationship, learn new methods for communicating and brought us into awareness about how our attachment styles were playing out and how we could learn to respond more wisely in difficult situations.
"Fast forward 6 months later and we are very happy, our relationship is stronger as a result of the obstacles we had to overcome and we feel more resourced to deal with the inevitable challenges which come our way. Sorrel has been our wise elder, our confidant, our teacher and our support. We would highly recommend her to couples who are struggling and need a calm, assured, fair, firm and positive beacon to guide them as they navigate life's complexity."
After one session with Sorrel I felt energised. I had articulated the things that bothered me most and become determined to fix them. I booked a second session with my partner and found we were in total agreement about a way forward. A huge impact in minimal time and the process was almost entirely positive. I had feared that couples counselling would be painful, embarrassing and infuriating but Sorrel has the ability to keep conversations focused on a positive outcome. I was impressed and would recommend her to anyone seeking clarity.
The reason relationships go sour is because we get caught up in a dynamic which gets in the way of love and closeness. To change the dynamic we have to change our own behaviour.
Change happens most effectively when we realise for ourselves what has been going on in our minds. For me the big breakthrough was realising how much I had got stuck in victim mode, while thinking it was just my ex who was the one who saw himself as a victim.
And then I discovered how easy it is to change the way I think and behave once I have identified the origins of the patterns and programmes that were causing me difficulties. When I realised that many of these programmes originated in childhood and were causing me to self-sabotage, I started to notice them kicking in when I got triggered and I could choose to think and behave differently.
Feelings can take a little longer, but they can change too. And all of this makes it easier to be in a healthy relationship with myself, my partner and the other people who are important to me.
I know I am not unique - this is possible for everyone and that includes you.
If you would like to find out more about whether and how I can help you, book yourself a free Relationship Dynamics Clarity Call and you'll see what's possible for you!