Have you given up on celebrating your relationship?

Where will you be on St Valentine’s Day​?

• Will you be out celebrating with your partner?

• Or sitting at home together saying ‘bah humbug – it’s so commercialised’ (and believe me I can’t help but agree with that sentiment).

• Or will you be sitting at home in separate spaces thinking ‘there’s no point – the spark has gone out.’

If it’s the third option, maybe you've given up trying. You never seem to agree on anything and you get triggered on a daily basis. It seems like nothing you do makes a difference.

But you really want to make this relationship work...

Imagine it’s a year from now and the two of you have something to celebrate. You spot St Val’s Day in the calendar and you remember that there's a new restaurant round the corner which was recently opened by an Italian couple.

So you book a table.

It’s the obvious thing to do when you’ve brought your relationship back from the brink. Maybe it was hard, maybe you had to own your part in the distance that had grown between you. But you’ve got some new skills which you’ve been building over the year.

• Boundary-setting

• Giving loving feedback

• Speaking quietly instead of shouting

• Moving from complaint to request

• Speaking up for your needs

You’ve done some inner child work so that the little you who still lives inside you feels safe enough not to keep sabotaging your relationship.

And your partner has been working on it too. If you were walking on eggshells, you’ve realised you don’t need to any more – because your partner has discovered and worked on their own triggers.

How can I make this happen?

Maybe you can do it alone. You agree to do the work. You read the books and watch the videos on YouTube. Maybe go on a couples retreat or bootcamp. Sometimes that can work – if it’s not become too bad.

But if you’ve realised you can’t do it alone and you need some professional help, you could consider Relational Life Coaching.

If that’s what you decide and you choose to work with me, this is how it works:

1. We take time to explore what’s happening in your relationship at the moment. What patterns are playing out? What are you and your partner’s ‘losing strategies’? What does each of you do when you get activated?

2. We work with the part of you which resists change, which won’t use the tools or new perspectives. That’s an inner child part – your ‘Adaptive Child’ – who needs reassurance that you’re safe.

3. You learn new ways of communicating and being with you, which help to draw you closer instead of pushing you apart.

4. Your relationship transforms into something truly loving where intimacy feels safe.

5. We all celebrate your achievements (but I won’t join you in that new little restaurant!)

To find out more about how I can help you, book a Relationship Dynamics Clarity Call