There's something about being understood…

Tuesday evening brought together a little group of ex-boarders and some of their partners for a workshop about shifting from protection to connection. It’s becoming a twice-yearly gathering and also a chance for people to experience something of what happens inside The Tuck Shop.

I can talk my head off about the boarding school experience, the sense of abandonment and the survival personalities we develop to protect ourselves. And on Tuesday evening, I did!

I think it helps to know about the ‘Tiny Architect’ and its creation of the survival personality which kept us safe at school: masks, armour, castle walls & moats. It helps us understand how in adulthood, those walls keep out the people we love most.

But something happened during the workshop that was far more powerful than anything I could teach. What struck me most was the conversation that took place among people who share important parts of their experience. The Tuck Shop members who came along demonstrated the healing power of connection far better than I could.

In the small, intimate environment of the Tuck Shop, we are able to share in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding. It’s all about forward movement, so we celebrate when we step into things that previously would have terrified us. We can talk about the past when it feels useful, but we’re not there to stay stuck in it.

The members bring their own experiences, a willingness to listen as well as share, and a sense that we're all rooting for each other. I think it’s being heard and understood that gives us the courage to change.

As an ex-boarder myself (I boarded from 11-18), I bring my own lived experience of abandonment and separation, alongside the skills and understanding I have as a couples and relationship coach.

The Tuck Shop is open to new members right now, until November 9th. If you’re an ex-boarder, you can come alone or with your partner. The usual price is £50/month or £500/year. The early-bird price is £45/month or £450/year until November 3rd.

If you’re looking for a safe space in which to unravel some of those old survival patterns, you can find out more about it here: